I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
