I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
