Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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