My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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