Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
