dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
