you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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