I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
