So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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