thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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