Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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