I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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