he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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