Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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