This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
