Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
