not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
