bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
