yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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