girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
