i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
