Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
