it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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