someone threw a dead crab at me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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