If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
