so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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