god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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