why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
