I think my fart just growled at me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
