here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
