then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
