Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
