im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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