I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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