I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
