We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
