There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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