walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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