To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
