i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
