this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
