When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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