The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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