i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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