im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
