I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
