i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
