I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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