I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
