New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
